Wednesday, July 18, 2012

That kind of struggles


Lately I try to avoid listening to song like 'Patah Seribu', 'Wish You Were Here'. Those songs that can make me cry a river. I try to hide my sadness as often as possible. Tapi macam mana aku cuba tahan sedih pun, sebelum tidur kadang-kadang basah juga bantal and bengkak juga mata. Rindu.

The night felt so lonely. Even though sometimes I sleep beside mak or fifi. But the loneliness still can creep in. Watching funny korean show before sleeping no longer helps. The cheerful song of Wonder Girls singing like this, like this yo.. no longer works for bringing back my mood. If the loneliness visit me, I just stay calm and monologue some prayers. No matter how i keep chanting 'everything will be fine' the loneliness will always win. Every single night.

But I don't care if I have to live with it for the rest of life. It's the signs that I miss him, longing for his presence. I try to recall anything (to everything) about him because I'm afraid that I will forget him. I try to remember his advice, what he usually do, what he always said, his jokes, his voice. The fact that I will forget something scares me. And what scares me the most when I try to remember him, his image became blurry. So i cepat-cepat pegi cari gambar dia. Am I torturing myself? I don't know. But I don't care.

I'm a strong person. I know. My emotion defeated me. But I will not let my emotion out by crying. Crying will not make my life back as usual. And the most important thing is, if I cry, I will make mak sad too. So no cry.

I miss you and I love you. very much.

Al-fatihah untuk arwah bapa...

12 comments:

Anisa Hang Tuah said...

Al-fatihah utk arwah

Nangis sehingga puas ya sayang =)

berikan hatimu lega dan selesa

Haruno Hana 하나 said...

don't afraid to express ur feelings :) just cry if u feel wanna cry.. may Allah bless him.. amin :')

Unknown// said...

but no matter what, you have to move on..

StellaClaire-Richard said...

owh..that's really touching.. Life goes on. I am sure he is happy up there if he sees u happy here on earth :)

shaa said...

T^T

bila teringat, sedekahkan doa..insyaAllah..

Mizz ErMa said...

ya allah..besar sungguh ujian yang tuan belog tanggung..al-fatihah utk arwah bapa tuan belog..semoga beliau ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yang beriman..=)

Eyanz Azeanthy Paiman said...

be strong there dear..i know u always do it...

Al-fatihah...

SYAH'IZZAT said...

al fatihah.

bnykkan berdoa untuk ayah tercinta ok. Allah lbh sayang orang yg dah tiada. kita diakan yg terbaik :)

Anne Nurain said...

al fatihah.. doakan arwah selalu..
insya Allah takkan lupa sebab bapa adalah orang yang paling dekat ngan kita.. :)

nowriz mars said...

dear.. sy baru tau ni.. so sorry for u.. tabahkan hati ya.. redha dgn pemergian arwah.. doakan ketenangan arwah di sana.. al-fatihah.

nurlya said...

al-fatihah untuk bapa.. kuatkan diri, kuatkan iman. its okay to cry sometimes, it makes you stronger.insyaAllah.

SimplySeoul said...

Terima kasih semuanya atas doa dan ingatan tu :'(.

Insha Allah will always stay stronger.